the_star_child: (pained)
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It had been three months since he'd moved into Dani's house and he still doubted her mother knew he was there. For all the headache his house gave him, it felt lonely here. If it wasn't for the fact he got to sleep with his best friend every night, it would've been unbearable. Until he'd lost his family he'd never considered what life would be like without all their meddling, arguments, and company. Staring off in the direction of his former home, he wondered what they were doing or if they even cared that he was gone. It was too dark to see more than a dim shadow of the house but he knew there was nothing quiet inside.

The wind had picked up and he pulled his jacket tighter around him. It was cold no matter what you did when you sat on the roof like this in middle of the night. It was even worse when all of your clothes were old, thread bear, hand-me-downs. Just where was he supposed to come up with the money to replace them? Dani's family didn't have any extra money and he'd refuse it even if they offered. He couldn't work, he was only fifteen and he didn't need anyone poking around asking for his address. The fewer people who knew he'd been disowned the better.

He sighed as it occurred to him- not for the first time- how Mrs. Fields left her purse out in English class. It was never zipped up and he'd seen bills sticking out of her billfold. There was a gap when the students left the room and he was one of the first to arrive for the next class to start. Rubbing his face, he hated this. He hated these thoughts and how tempting they were to follow. What would he do if he got caught? He could be expelled or worse. Would his family let him be sent to a foster home? Would Dani's family be able to stop them or more importantly would they want to? Dani would, he didn't even have to think about that one. It was her mother, the only one with any power.

Why was it that adults got to make all these decisions for you? One minute they decided you were their son and they loved you and the next, you were worthless. You were less than worthless. Wiping tears from his eyes, he could still hear that cloth ripping on his mother's dress. She considered him dead and gone. But he wasn't. He was right here just a block away, four fences to jump and five yards to run through. He'd almost worn a path between his bedroom window and where he was sitting now. That's how close he was but because of what he was, he was dead to them.

It wasn't fair! It wasn't right that he had to be different. He'd tried denying it. God knew he had. It wasn't his fault that Jason had awoken something inside him he'd been trying to hide. It hadn't been a bad performance either. The school rumor mill had been on fire when this news had dropped. Now everyone knew. The weird kid whose dad left just before he was born and who had too much energy and was disruptive was also gay. He couldn't even try to deny it. The photo didn't lie even if Jason did. He'd been such a fool. It was the biggest cliche in the world. Sweet words and promises to be together and he'd given Jason everything he wanted. He'd risked his whole life to be with the older boy and had lost everything.

If people saw him as gay and as a whore, then he might as well be the best out there. He'd learn how to blow their minds and then walk away without feeling a single regret. All he had to do was keep his heart out of it and embrace what he was seen as. Tomorrow he'd take the money and soon enough, he'd learn all the secrets there were to giving and receiving physical pleasure. If people didn't want to be with him for who he was, then they'd at least want to be with him for what he could do. Without any romantic distractions, he could focus on his music and become a star. He'd show them all that they were wrong about him and that he was so much more than they thought he was. He'd be rich, famous, powerful, and unforgettable.

"Hey," Dani's voice broke into his internal dialogue. Glancing up toward the window, she was standing there watching him. "It's getting too cold for the window to be open. Come back to be."

Elliott looked once more towards his former house and family and nodded. "Sorry," he said quietly, getting up and going back in. From then on, he didn't care if his family ever took him back. That was his story and he was sticking to it.


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Elliott Gilbert

November 2016

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